So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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