why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
