A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
