He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
