Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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