I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
