addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
