You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
