He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
