You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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