I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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