the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
