new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
