A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
