you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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