Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
