Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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