...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
