after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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