If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize