Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
