Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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