So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
