I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
