i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
