I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
