Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
