my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
a search helicopter?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
