Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
