It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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