i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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