if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
