____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
