I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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