and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
