So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
