Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
