If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize