I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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