i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
