i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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