I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am available for nakedness
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
