CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
