ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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