is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
