worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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