I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's just like the Real World with babies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
