life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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