So drunk its hurt
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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