there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
