i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
