you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
