you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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