i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
