it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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