I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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