Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
