Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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