yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
