His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
