from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
