Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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