You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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