I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
