he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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