I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
