Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize