She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
