If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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