is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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