i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
