yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
