I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
