just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize