You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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