Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
