Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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