I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
