Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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