WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
