I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
