I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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