I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
