She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
