i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
