i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
