you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
