worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
