Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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